Border crossings are usually a chore. Long waits. Sun beating down on the roof of your rig making it an uninhabitable searing oven, document anxiousness and the need to "water the plants" all rank in the top ten least pleasant characteristics of border crossings.
That is precisely why we decided to make border crossings amusing, a series of skits produced by over fifteen border crossings in just as many days. We brewed up a main, sophisticated and infallible strategy. One we took notice of from a world renowned animation film. Your sons and daughters might not know it, but if they, or you do Kudos!! The film is... i'll let you figure that out...
Our strategy consisted of:
Well if you haven't guessed yet, or have no idea what we're talking about here is a summary clip of cinematic perfection:
That is precisely why we decided to make border crossings amusing, a series of skits produced by over fifteen border crossings in just as many days. We brewed up a main, sophisticated and infallible strategy. One we took notice of from a world renowned animation film. Your sons and daughters might not know it, but if they, or you do Kudos!! The film is... i'll let you figure that out...
Our strategy consisted of:
- Approach the border crossing solemnly. Driving cautiously and respecting all road laws and signs.
- Put our shirts back on [you don't want to look like a flacid sun burned sealfrogpenguin who smells of manly three day seasoned perspiration]
- Play and listen to calm and cheerful music through the stereo.
- During the wait, observe other travellers. Ferociously and sarcastically comment and narrate what they do, lip-dub what the say and narrate their thoughts] that'll keep you busy for a while. Fun Tip! Always check their licence plate beforehand...
- The ultimate, most important, crucial step: "Just smile and wave boys, Smile and wave"
- drive through the border crossing nonchalantly / go through the process always smiling.
- As soon as you're done drive on and blast music!
Well if you haven't guessed yet, or have no idea what we're talking about here is a summary clip of cinematic perfection:
Now please do imitate or follow our strategy if you so wish. It has proven to be successful... mostly.
Crossing into Bosnia we were well drilled on the whole 'border/douane/carina" thing. Confidently and swiftly we went through all the steps systematically. After no more than a half hour long wait we cruised to a halt right next to theborder police booth and handed over our passports and vehicle documents. "Smile and wave boys, smile and wave". Our confidence was palpable. We must have looked like three complete, smiling and sunburnt, idiots with a dirty dusty 4x4 packed with miscellaneous stuff and Filippo's underwear hanging to dry. The officer said something and pointed towards the right fender. There a tall and built officer was standing, and he, to our surprize, waved us towards him and off to the right.
Crossing into Bosnia we were well drilled on the whole 'border/douane/carina" thing. Confidently and swiftly we went through all the steps systematically. After no more than a half hour long wait we cruised to a halt right next to theborder police booth and handed over our passports and vehicle documents. "Smile and wave boys, smile and wave". Our confidence was palpable. We must have looked like three complete, smiling and sunburnt, idiots with a dirty dusty 4x4 packed with miscellaneous stuff and Filippo's underwear hanging to dry. The officer said something and pointed towards the right fender. There a tall and built officer was standing, and he, to our surprize, waved us towards him and off to the right.
In line for the Croatia/Bosnia border crossing
Damn. Inspection.
Obediently and nervously I pulled over to a designated area and killed the engine. The officer approached me and asked a few questions.
OFFICER 1
Is this car registered to you?
ME
Yes, sir.
OFFICER 1
what is the purpose of your travel?
and so on.
The officer and a colleague of his stood there as we dismounted and they informed us that the car and our persons would be searched and frisked. I verbally signed off to a statement whereas we were not carrying nor on our persons (we each verbally signed of on that one) or in the vehicle any sorts of drugs, firearms or weapons and so forth.
We proceeded to getting frisked and sat on the curb as the officers scrounged through what could have been tons of stuff. Filippo's nose tissues, Pietro's smelly towel [no idea why it stank] and worst even, my dirty socks. Minutes into the search one of the officers popped his head up from the passenger footwell and called me over and with a Bosnian accent inquired
OFFICER 1
You stated you were not carrying any drugs
ME
We are not carrying any drugs.
I walked over to the Officer and he showed me a film roll capsule with white pills in it.
ME
(cont.)
That is Tylenol, paracetamol pills. For headache
as I touched my forehead and squinted as if in pain.
ME
(cont.)
Look, it's printed on each and every pill.
The officer proceeded to inspect ever single pill. There must have been over 30 in that film canister. Satisfied there were no drugs he glanced back at me, put the cap back on and chucked the container on the passenger seat.
OFFICER 1
Go back. Sit down.
He sternly said and moved on.
His colleague was rummaging through the second row seats and making a right mess of it! throwing stuff around, pulling tissues out of their brand new, sealed, packs and putting nothing back where it was seconds before.
We could hear the officers talking and pointing at stuff. maybe saying "hey look what I got here!" or more realistically, "f*ck me these guys are disgusting".
I looked at my cousins and wondered if by any chance of bad luck we had something that was illegal in Bosnia. We whispered to each other and gulped down water in the searing heat.
That devil called Summer makes no distinctions between, races, professions or hair color. It only knows Hydrated and Dehydrated. Don't get caught.
We all started getting impatient, not because of the time but because we would have to spend more time getting our gear loaded back up once the officers were done.
An incomprehensible loud gargle of words rose from beneath the second row bench, I stood.
In a broken english
OFFICER 2
You stated you had no weapons!
Well that caught me by surprize! I do enjoy a day at the range but hell would I be stupid to lose or forget a casing or, alas!, a shell. Moreover I had cleaned out the Gallo prior to out departure. I thought fast. The knife!
ME
Well if its the knife you've got there...
I said as I walked over the long way so to be always in clear sight and not masked by the wide doors of the Galloper.
ME
(cont.)
that's one of two we have. That black one is for
cutting down branches of sorts, a second one is
a kitchen knife. We use for food preparation; it's in
in the food box... in the back of the car.
Officer 2 looked pleased. I'm pretty sure he fancied the knife, thankfully he put it back down [not where it belonged].
Together we moved to the back of the truck and swung open the rear door. I knew the spectacle hidden behind the docile facade of a spare wheel and dusty metal and glass, and was smiling inside. The officers, however, paused. They looked at each other and back at the neatly organized heap of boxes, duffels and tent rolls stashed inside. They both turned towards me, posed a weak smile and thanked us for our time.
I guess they just didn't wish to ruin our tetris brick of stuff. I'm sure of that. The heat too over the air again as the blacktop must have hit 45°c. We shook hands and waved us off as they walked away.
"smile and wave boys, smile and wave"
Searches at border crossings occur quite often. And I imagine they Overlanders are usually subjected to searches more often than other travellers. It may be the gear, maybe the vehicle itself, usually the curiosity of the men and women who are there to do a job. My cousins and I believe that being respectful, patient and compliant gets you a long way. Never ever leave out the human factor. A smile will help you out in most situations along with a light dose of humor. We are happy the officers in this story were happy that day as it all went smooth and sound.
.... Plus.... they never found our stash of illicit super potent drugs and nuclear warheads hidden in the glovebox heheheee.
I apologise as we no longer have the photographs we took during this whole scene ehhém! my fault...
P.s
oh and I was kidding about the nuclear warheads and super potent drugs
Obediently and nervously I pulled over to a designated area and killed the engine. The officer approached me and asked a few questions.
OFFICER 1
Is this car registered to you?
ME
Yes, sir.
OFFICER 1
what is the purpose of your travel?
and so on.
The officer and a colleague of his stood there as we dismounted and they informed us that the car and our persons would be searched and frisked. I verbally signed off to a statement whereas we were not carrying nor on our persons (we each verbally signed of on that one) or in the vehicle any sorts of drugs, firearms or weapons and so forth.
We proceeded to getting frisked and sat on the curb as the officers scrounged through what could have been tons of stuff. Filippo's nose tissues, Pietro's smelly towel [no idea why it stank] and worst even, my dirty socks. Minutes into the search one of the officers popped his head up from the passenger footwell and called me over and with a Bosnian accent inquired
OFFICER 1
You stated you were not carrying any drugs
ME
We are not carrying any drugs.
I walked over to the Officer and he showed me a film roll capsule with white pills in it.
ME
(cont.)
That is Tylenol, paracetamol pills. For headache
as I touched my forehead and squinted as if in pain.
ME
(cont.)
Look, it's printed on each and every pill.
The officer proceeded to inspect ever single pill. There must have been over 30 in that film canister. Satisfied there were no drugs he glanced back at me, put the cap back on and chucked the container on the passenger seat.
OFFICER 1
Go back. Sit down.
He sternly said and moved on.
His colleague was rummaging through the second row seats and making a right mess of it! throwing stuff around, pulling tissues out of their brand new, sealed, packs and putting nothing back where it was seconds before.
We could hear the officers talking and pointing at stuff. maybe saying "hey look what I got here!" or more realistically, "f*ck me these guys are disgusting".
I looked at my cousins and wondered if by any chance of bad luck we had something that was illegal in Bosnia. We whispered to each other and gulped down water in the searing heat.
That devil called Summer makes no distinctions between, races, professions or hair color. It only knows Hydrated and Dehydrated. Don't get caught.
We all started getting impatient, not because of the time but because we would have to spend more time getting our gear loaded back up once the officers were done.
An incomprehensible loud gargle of words rose from beneath the second row bench, I stood.
In a broken english
OFFICER 2
You stated you had no weapons!
Well that caught me by surprize! I do enjoy a day at the range but hell would I be stupid to lose or forget a casing or, alas!, a shell. Moreover I had cleaned out the Gallo prior to out departure. I thought fast. The knife!
ME
Well if its the knife you've got there...
I said as I walked over the long way so to be always in clear sight and not masked by the wide doors of the Galloper.
ME
(cont.)
that's one of two we have. That black one is for
cutting down branches of sorts, a second one is
a kitchen knife. We use for food preparation; it's in
in the food box... in the back of the car.
Officer 2 looked pleased. I'm pretty sure he fancied the knife, thankfully he put it back down [not where it belonged].
Together we moved to the back of the truck and swung open the rear door. I knew the spectacle hidden behind the docile facade of a spare wheel and dusty metal and glass, and was smiling inside. The officers, however, paused. They looked at each other and back at the neatly organized heap of boxes, duffels and tent rolls stashed inside. They both turned towards me, posed a weak smile and thanked us for our time.
I guess they just didn't wish to ruin our tetris brick of stuff. I'm sure of that. The heat too over the air again as the blacktop must have hit 45°c. We shook hands and waved us off as they walked away.
"smile and wave boys, smile and wave"
Searches at border crossings occur quite often. And I imagine they Overlanders are usually subjected to searches more often than other travellers. It may be the gear, maybe the vehicle itself, usually the curiosity of the men and women who are there to do a job. My cousins and I believe that being respectful, patient and compliant gets you a long way. Never ever leave out the human factor. A smile will help you out in most situations along with a light dose of humor. We are happy the officers in this story were happy that day as it all went smooth and sound.
.... Plus.... they never found our stash of illicit super potent drugs and nuclear warheads hidden in the glovebox heheheee.
I apologise as we no longer have the photographs we took during this whole scene ehhém! my fault...
P.s
oh and I was kidding about the nuclear warheads and super potent drugs
or was I?
